The view below, of boats, of foam, of sea to dip into

They gazed from the estate, through glass doors they withdrew

I opened up the blinds

My hope lay drawn in lines

The apricot jam left out in the sun too long and now

Fetid and foul, I smear the sourdough anyhow

I open up the map

My hope a handicap

I am not the person that you think I am

So I lie below and wait for reckoning (because I am an)

Acrobat swinging without a mat

Diplomatically I bell the cat

I am not the person that you think I am

I was quite nervous, did you notice how nervous I was?

To speak to servants well you know that’s not what’s done

I opened up to you

My hope lay by the pool

I am not the person that you think I am

How the silence in the house is frightening (ever since I was)

Just a kid, I sensed our quiet sick

Lonely house, I sat transfixed in it

All risk and no reward, pouring chlorine in the harpsichord

I heard from someone that you are doing well

Who knows what that means but I hope you’ve got your health

Do you learn poems on Sundays?

Have you got money to spare?

Who do you read them to?

How are you holding yourself?

Are you in control?

Do you write it all down?

Maybe one day I’ll live in the Barbican

I’ll feed my cat and I’ll keep the plants alive on the balcony

Maybe one day I’ll even invite you in

Show you how good I am

Show you I’ve got everything

I’ll be in control

Won’t need to write it all down

And the excavation takes all day

But it’s what you have to do

All the treasure you hid underground

‘Cause it was too painful to

Look at it, look at it

Look at it, look at it

They say your outlook

On life is diseased

But what about

All the days in between

That have a shimmering sheen

A shimmering sheen?

Swimming in a lake

And sleeping on the sand

Remedies to ease the aching

Slowing the ticking hand

Seething with all manner things

The knife is blunt, the eyes are dull, it’s worse than when you feel

The lows go low

And the highs get high

The palette grows

On either side

Listening to the rain and

Playing a baby grand

Remedies to ease the aching

Slowing the ticking hand

The rituals we have at our disposal

Are not enough

To hold all this trouble

The songs we taught ourselves

Ring out somewhere else

Ring out somewhere else

They say your outlook

On life is diseased

But what about

All the days in between?

Well then

I woke up and

The moon was shining

As bright as the sun 

How strange

That the setting of one

Could be confused for 

The rising of the other

Well then

At five a.m.

Replaying our tape

Debating our loop

How strange

The auctioneer in my brain

Could sabotage me

He’s supposed to be a friend of mine

I lie flatlined

Heart murmurs, this is not right

A roar in quietude

My eyeballs have become unglued

I dreamed that you were still in my bedroom

You held me close

My head fit in the space beneath your chin

A thrill as old as the hills

Well then

I’ll make the most

Of the hour, make toast

Scour the counter down

How strange

The maladies they can take

Years to break through

Hoops of paper realigning us

A letter I write:

“No deep sleep in a fortnight

A famine, send rations

I panic for your compassion

I palpate my lesion

I need your anesthesia

Send love to her highness

For me. Yours truly, a mess.”

I know that our twin beds

will converge

Anew and then

My head will fit in the space 

Beneath your chin

We’ll be our old selves again

We’ll be our old selves again

Again

Again

The tattoos of your youth

Inked into your skin 

A twisted name or two

Faded blue and green

An anchor on your arm

That illustrated bruise

Do you feel the tug?

Tethering you to

Lives spent in other vessels on a

Cruise

Through narrow channels to the 

Sea

The lines that grew like roots

The blueish whale flakes

They rub against the green

The marks you paid to make

A willow tree on fire

The smoke you have inhaled

The telegrams by wire

Are keeping you alive

Shape of your body resting next to

Mine

Seems like the only way to

Die

Feel the light fade

Twinkling traffic

Won’t go outside

Can’t bear the noise

Watch the milk is boiling over

Hear the train pass

The neck twist tighter

Look the hourglass stops

Undo the necklace in knots

Open up your beak and eat the egg I give you

Good, now

Let me in too

Familiar and cool

Lie back on the bed don't move your lips anymore

Stop

Someone’s at the door

I am a ghost

I am a crumpled-up note

You found under your bed

The shame between your legs

I am a coat

You put on when you’re alone

Moth-eaten round your name

Why do you stay the same?

Wash the sand off

Empty the bath out

Won’t unlock it

Can’t feel the cold

The roof, the room, the earth

Goes under

Hear the nightjar

The breath comes faster

Feel the heaviness come

The bones that warmed you

So long

Those caresses every morning

Waking you up

So, no need for a clock

Reenact it, when it’s quiet,

Circle the room

There’s no one to stop you

I am a ghost

A place that you used to know

The first time you undressed

Remember what was said

I am a coat

You put on when you’re alone

Ill-fitting it became

Why can’t you stay the same?

Open up the note

The doors to rooms

That you had closed

You aren’t as alone as you feel

Click, ring, hum, din, try

Slip, run, fall, don't cry that you are tired

Smoke, drink, fill, heave, sigh

Sit, no, go, squeeze, shut it off for hours

Endless numbered doors

Lock a few to make yourself secure

Would you still exist

Without all these

Things you have to do?

Dreams of other lives

Or perhaps they are a vision

Try to hold them all

In a time beyond perception

Braille upon your face

Have we met somewhere before?

Don’t go home

Live in places you’ve never gone

Be alone

Don’t believe everything you’re told

Strange how time

Will make all the choices that you were too scared to

Strange how time

Will make all the choices that you were too scared to

Hold my own

In the machine

Taxiing

Time is unravelling, so

Take a seat

Steady my heartbeat

Lights go up

Lights in vermilion and

Tangerine

Thirty-eight thousand feet

Above the sea

What will I dream?

The silhouette

Of winding rivers I will   

Leave behind

Leave behind me

A line of horizon that

Sets the in between

It’s nowhere and nothing

O’clock, so

Yes, stewardess I will

Take that cocktail in

Vermilion and tangerine

Do you remember the

Dress you wore to leave, a

Terminal end of a scene?

Under a pin all my

Summers colored in vermilion and tangerine, tangerine

Floating seat

I feel my heartbeat

pumping blood

blood in vermilion and

tangerine 

Two hundred people staring

at a screen

It’s all routine

Who’s coming to meet you? 

Hold my phone

Adjust the time-zone

No one knows, the

currency we carry

Empty seats

Is that my heartbeat?

Rising sun

Sun in vermilion and

Tangerine

My baggage crawling round the

Carousel

I’m shaken well

What did I dream?

A boy is waving from the

Mezzanine, but not for me

A perfect stranger that

Somehow feels familiar

Nothing I could have fore-

seen, so

Yes, I confess I have

Sometimes been caught in

Rebellion and quarantine

Yes, I remember the

Dress I wore to leave, a

Terminal end of a scene

Under a pin all my

summers colored in 

Vermilion and tangerine, tangerine

Never underestimate the way you can change

Even though the work makes you feel like an oiled machine

Feel oblivion believing

In your own thick mess

As the evening fever peaks

Put on that sparkly dress

Roll down the hill, feel the spin, make yourself see upside down

Thundering limbs, on the lawn, bring you back to flesh and bone

Down the mortal corridor

In your eardrums loud,

Heaving then succumbing to

The sound of your wolfhound heart

Heavy breathlessness, the blood in your body rushing to your head

Watch the vultures glide, and count all your fingers red against the sky

Feel oblivion and revel

In your own thick mess

As the morning fog arrives

Ride home in your ruined dress

Tune the radio, electrical static of the afterglow

Let the shower run, the hiss of the valve as you become undone 

Never underestimate the way you can change, I will

Never underestimate the way you can change